


Good liars and those who don't want to see

by vildelz



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Friends to Lovers, there's sex but not too explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 09:10:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11666055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vildelz/pseuds/vildelz
Summary: Eva and Vilde keep coming back to each other throughout the years.





	Good liars and those who don't want to see

 

**1.**

It all started at the penetrators' party and, honestly, Vilde shouldn't have come. William was ignoring her once again and now p Chris was chatting her up. She was definitely  _not_  going to hook up with Christoffer, that's for sure. After William that would just be a step down, right? Besides, if she wanted to get William back, hooking up with his best friend was probably not the smartest way to go. Anyways, she couldn't for the life of her remember why she'd been so excited about coming.

Somewhere between the cheesy chat up lines, Vilde was relieved to see Eva approaching them. A very drunk and wobbly Eva.

"Vilde!" Eva said as she put her arms around her. "Isak doesn't want to make out with me." She was pouting, her words coming out slurred.

"But…" She continued, looking Vilde straight in the eyes and getting impossibly closer.

"Hi"

Suddenly Eva's mouth was on her own and her hand in her face and it was like… it just… it—Yeah, it was hard to think and Vilde forgot anything she might have been about to say. That in itself, she later thought, was something else. For once she wasn't worrying herself with where to put her hands or how to move her mouth and how much tongue to use, if any, but she was just standing there, her body pressed to that of her friend and letting herself be kissed. Not even the strong alcohol taste in Eva's mouth seemed to be bothering her and, instead of the strong male deodorant smell she was used to swallowing, her friend smelled flowers and all things girly and her lips where so soft Vilde couldn't help but to pull her back when their mouths separated, connecting their lips once again.  It was different. It was like nothing Vilde had experience. She was hyper aware of her skin in every single inch Eva was touching, she felt light, a feeling arising making her dizzy. She felt it in her belly. Vilde couldn't help but thinking it felt a lot like kissing for the first time.

Maybe she was also drunk.

The kiss was finally cut short when Eva detached herself from Vilde's body and mumbled something unrecognizable before stumbling her way outside. Vilde followed her and held her friend's hair as she puked her stomach out.

 

…

 

It became a thing, sharing kisses at parties. Little pecks when the alcohol still hadn't hit them —or still hadn't hit Eva since Vilde had a hard time telling where the line between sober and not sober stood every time Eva's lips where anywhere near her— would turn into full on make outs later at night, when the lights were dim and the music loud.

 

 

**2.**

The first time it turned into something more was also the first time they kissed with no alcohol involved.

Eva called her and told her to come over and, a few minutes later, she climbed down the window to find her friend sitting on her bed crying.

Vilde walked towards the bed and sat next to Eva, who immediately put her head on her lap and told her about breaking up with her boyfriend, about thinking this time it was for real, about being dumb and convincing herself they would stay together after everything they had went through.

Eva talked until her tears had dried and there wasn't really anything else to say.

"I wish I didn't love him."

Her voice was barely a whisper and she spoke just as Vilde was beginning to think she had fallen asleep. "It's ok." she whispered back, weaving her fingers through her friend's hair. "It's going to be ok."

There was a moment of silence where they both stayed still listening to each other breathe. However, this was cut short as Eva reached up to take the hand Vilde was running though her hair, held it in her own and sat up to face the other girl. For a second, she seemed to be about to say something but, before any words left her mouth, she raised her other hand and cradled Vilde's face as she leaned in to press their lips together.

It was different and it was the same. It felt familiar in a strange way, somewhat like a dream feels when you don't realize you're dreaming. Vilde didn't want to wake up.

For the first time since almost two years ago when this thing between them had started, kissing wasn't enough. Vilde wanted more, she wanted Eva. All of her. Her friend must have been thinking along the same lines because suddenly her hands were reaching for the hem of Vilde's shirt, pulling it up. There was something in the back of Vilde's head telling her this was probably a bad idea, Eva was hurting and this is not how things should play out. She decided not to listen. Vilde let go, she stopped thinking and gave herself away to fumbling hands and hard kisses.

It was by no means Vilde's first time, but like everything else when it came to Eva, it felt like it was.

As they lay together under the covers, clothes scattered all over the floor, neither of them seemed to know quite what to do and they would alternate between exploring each other with hot fingers and soft lips, and stopping to giggle at each other's awkwardness.

Vilde learned that night that sex could be fun. She learned she didn't have to act like she was enjoying every single moment of it with moans and hard pants, she learned she could tease and be teased, she learned giving could also feel just as good. So when she was losing herself a little in the pleasure and Eva would stop moving making Vilde's eyes open in response, a question clear in her face, only to see the girl on top of her look back playfully —"What? Didn't you want me to stop?"—, a smirk pulling at the corners of her mouth; Vilde would laugh and grab Eva's hand to put it back where she wanted it and then they would kiss. And that's when Vilde would finally admit to herself, for the first time, something she'd known for a while.

She was in love with Eva Mohn.

 

 

**3.**

That was the first and only time they slept together sober.

Vilde was quick to break things off with Magnus, after everything that had happen she could no longer keep going as before, things could never be quite the same between them. Vilde might not have loved him the way he deserved but Magnus was an important part of her life, someone she could pour her biggest fears and insecurities to, someone who was patient and loving and who took care of her even through the rough patches. It was hard to let him go but it was the right thing to do. She had tried to make it work for a while but, in the end, it wasn't fair to him and neither was it fair to her. Now that she knew, now that Vilde could finally put a name to everything she'd always felt was different about her, she needed to be true to herself. Even if it meant being alone for a while.

Eva was back with Jonas.

It should've probably meant that nothing more could happen between the two girls but in actuality very little changed.

They would still kiss at parties like they've always done and no one would think anything of it. The times when Vilde was feeling particularly petty, she would try her best to make a show if it. Just party girls having fun. It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't have to mean anything. It's just who they are. It's actually funny, Vilde thought, how people can be so blind. Those were also the nights when Vilde would let herself get lost in Eva's mouth and she would allow herself to get caught in her own lies.  _Maybe she does love you, maybe she feels the same. It can't be easy for her either, she probably just needs time._  And the sad part was that Vilde would wait. She would always wait for Eva.

Vilde stopped counting the times her heart broke in tiny pieces as Eva left the party in her boyfriend's arms.  _She probably needs time._

As bad as those nights hurt, they were by no means the worst ones. Sometimes when the drinks were too many and the nights would turn a little bit sour, only sometimes Eva would found Vilde and drag her to her place. None of them would speak, everything would go without saying. They both new it was wrong but none of them was strong enough to stop, or sober enough to care. And every single time the night ended this way, they would wake up the next morning with bad hangovers and not quite remembering how they got home, least of all what had happened after.

Only that Vilde did. She always remembered.

 

 

**4.**

It came a time when the parties died down and everyone started to settle down. Vilde hadn't seen or heard from her old school friends in a while, what with all of them being busy graduating into proper adults. There was also the fact that she had spent a whole year studying in America, disconnected from everyone back home.

It was not that she wanted to ignore her friends, she just couldn't talk to them and not talk to Eva, that'll be just rude, and Vilde didn't want her to think—or know, really—that she was ignoring her. Vilde was not ready for that conversation, she just needed time to sort out her feelings. Something that, after trying for a year, had been proven impossible.

After coming back and everyone knowing about it, Vilde received an audio message from a very excited Eva to meet her at her and Jonas's apartment because she had "something very important to tell you, Vilde." "Yes, you have to come now." "No. It has to be here, I have drinks."

Once she arrived, the door opened to display a very giddy Eva, who held her tight and offered her champagne. They proceeded to sit on the sofa and caught up with what was new. And they drank —or, Eva drank. Vilde never cared much for champagne.

Just when Vilde remembered the reason she was there and was about to say something about it, her friend, who had gone into the kitchen to fetch some more ice, came back looking far too serious considering the amount of alcohol in her blood. Vilde stood up immediately and began to ask her what was wrong but before she could manage to finish her question Eva put both hands on the blonde's hips and leaned in.

Everything in Vilde's body was screaming  _wrong._

_Eva's too drunk._

_You're too sober._

_Jonas could come back._

_Stop her before she does something she'll end up regretting._

With Eva's tongue in her mouth and her long fingers in her hair, Vilde couldn't bring herself to reject her. Truth is, she didn't want to. Vilde was selfish and if Eva was asking for her, who was she to stop her. She'd missed this. She missed it too much. So much that she can't understand what it is she did to have this taken away from her. It didn't matter how many other girls she'd kissed, no one ever tasted like Eva. No one would ever be enough. Vilde wanted to slap her old self for complaining about all the little things when she had  _this._  How dare she be so ungrateful. This here. This was everything.

 

…

 

Vilde woke up the next morning, tangled in sheets that weren't her own, to the sound of vomiting coming from the bathroom down the hall. She immediately carried herself out of bed, gathered her clothes from the floor and left without saying anything.

_This was a mistake._

As it goes, Vilde couldn't get anything done all day. She felt guilty. Why had she even thought it was a good idea to just leave, she could've a least fetched her friend a glass of water or something. Jesus Christ, where the hell where her manners.

So as the sun was going down, Vilde found herself once again at Eva's door.

"Hey, I'm sorry I didn't say anything before I left this morning." Eva just smiled at her and moved away from the door to motion Vilde to come in.

"It's ok." She said. "I'm still hangover, to be honest" They started making their way to the kitchen. "Ughh, my head is killing me. Do you want a cup of coffee?"

Vilde just nodded as she took a seat at the table.

 _It's the same as always_ , Vilde thought bitterly, they would just ignore what had happened and talk about whatever else. She was truly disappointed in herself for expecting anything different.

When Eva sat down in front of her, two cups of coffee separating them, Vilde remembered to ask her what she should've asked the previous night, before everything went to shit.

"So, what about that thing you wanted to tell me?"

Her friend peeked at her from behind the steaming mug trying—and failing—to hold a smile. She looked at her in the eyes before looking away, suddenly shy, and Vilde's heart skipped a beat. Or two. Something that felt a lot like hope starting to arise.

She smiled at Eva and raised her eyebrows to motion her friend to continue.

"Jonas proposed to me."

Vilde didn't realized her smile had fallen until she saw Eva's expression starting to match her own. She was quick to pull it back up.

"Oh my god! Seriously?" Vilde asked excitedly. More like screeched. Whatever. She knew she would come off fake but this was the best she could manage. "That is  _soo_  amazing! You're going to be the first one of all of us to get married, isn't that exciting?!"

"Vilde—"

"I'm happy that you're happy."

She meant it.

 

 

**5.**

It was the perfect summer day, not too hot nor too cold, barely a breeze lightly blowing at the tree leaves. They had chosen an outdoors venue a few miles away from Oslo, situated in the countryside, surrounded by trees and mountains. There were pink and yellow flowers tied with white ribbons all around the tables and vanilla candles that struggled to stay alight. Vilde thought she'd never seen a more magical place.

Eva was wearing a white lace dress that hugged her body from her neck all the way to her ankles and she had her long hair down—almost as long as ten years before, when they were fifteen—and it was kept away from her face by a crown of small yellow rose buds and leaves.

The event was overall too long in Vilde's opinion; she'd tried catching up with people she hadn't seen in a while but every word took a big effort to come out. Toasts were made, speeches read out loud, there was food, there was wine…

Vilde felt numb.

She felt like she was watching it all from the outside. Eva and Jonas greeting her. Eva and Jonas hugging. Eva and Jonas kissing. Eva and Jonas dancing. She couldn't even let herself be mad about it, her friend was happy and that was all that mattered. There was really no reason to be bitter just because she didn't have that kind of love in her life. She'd probably meet someone soon enough and the next year it'd be her dressed in white, with flowers in her hair and another person's hand holding her own. Then Eva would be watching from amongst their friends, hopefully realizing what she'd missed out on.

Vilde didn't know what got to her when she agreed to sing—she was no Noora, after all—and she immediately realized what a mistake it was. From the small stage she could see everything and everyone.

 _"Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes_  
_But it's the only thing that I know_  
_When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes_  
_It is the only thing that makes us feel alive"_

She could see them holding each other and moving along with music, he whispered something in her ear and she leaned back to look at him and plant a kiss in his cheek.

 _"We keep this love in a photograph_  
_We made these memories for ourselves_  
_Where our eyes are never closing_  
_Hearts are never broken_  
_And time's forever frozen still"_

Eva wrapped her arms around her husband once again and let her head fall on his shoulder. When their little dance placed Jonas's back to the stage, Eva lifted her head one more time and her eyes met Vilde's.

 _"So you can keep me_  
_Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans_  
_Holding me closer 'til our eyes meet_  
_You won't ever be alone, wait for me to come home"_

Vilde looked away.

 

…

 

In the comfort of her car the emptiness gave way to the crushing feeling in her chest she hadn't let herself feel in years, and tears started to fall from her eyes. Vilde was forced to pull over to the side of the road and let herself grief.

She knew this was coming. She was the first one to know, for god's sake. And it still had taken her seeing them put the damn gold rings in watch other's fingers for it to finally feel real. It had taken a very expensive event for it to feel final.

_I lost her. I lost her for good._

She went back on the memories of the two of them together, of a drunk Eva asking her to kiss her, of her hands touching her for the first time. She thought of Eva asking her to stay and kissing her on the forehead. All the movies they'd watched, Vilde's head on Eva's lap, fingers smoothing out hair. Vilde telling Eva about her mum, crying in her arms. Eva smiling every time their eyes would meet across the classroom. Eva making her laugh and being silly, making her feel like she could never need anything more. Eva's smile as she told her she was marrying Jonas.

Vilde turned the ignition back on and got back on the road, leaving it all behind.

 

 

**6.**

Surprisingly but really not, they kept finding each other. Mostly at night. Mostly without saying much. Mostly at Vilde's. And Vilde wishes they wouldn't. It's hard enough letting go of someone you love, but letting go when you still can get a taste of it? Impossible.

Vilde turned, giving her back to Eva and stared blankly at the walls in her room, her eyes catching a glimpse of color in the corner. A burgundy sweater.

"I'm seeing someone"

"Really?!" Eva replied excitedly. "That's amazing, Vilde."

Vilde just kept staring at a dinosaur-shaped stain on the wall.

"So," Eva continued when she was sure Vilde wasn't going to add anything "what's her name?"

"David." Vilde whispered; and then louder: "his name is David"

"Vilde—"

"He's nice" Vilde interrupted.

"Do you love him?" Her friend asked hesitantly and Vilde could feel her move away from her, sliding farther to her side of the bed.

"He works a lot." Vilde said ignoring the question. "It works between us."

"Vilde, you should be with someone you love. Otherwise, it's not fair to neither of you." Eva sounded mad right then and Vilde wanted to yell at her.

_You don't get to be mad. You do not get a say in any of this._

"No, it's not." She said instead. "It's not fair at all."

Eva was silent for a while and Vilde thought she might be debating whether to leave or not. After minutes and minutes of silence Vilde assumed she'd either decided to stay the night or she'd just fallen asleep going over it.

When Vilde herself felt heavy with sleep and was about to give herself to it, she heard her friend whisper from behind.

"I'm sorry, Vilde. I really am."

 

 

**7.**

"Jonas and I have been talking about having kids—not now. I mean, at least I didn't think he meant now…"

"Do you want to?" Vilde asked Eva. "Have his kids?"

"Yes…" Eva hesitated. "I'm not sure, actually. Maybe? I don't think I'm ready yet."

"When will you be ready, then? Now seems as perfect of a time as any."

Eva frowned and stopped fiddling with her phone to look at her friend.

"Why are you being like this?"

"I'm not being like anything." Vilde responded. "It's just a question" she added shrugging.

"Ok, then. Like I said, I don't know. Maybe it's just one of those things you don't know you want until you have it."

Now it was Vilde's turn to frown.

"That doesn't make any sense, Eva. You've been married for two years! You both have stable jobs and a house bigger than the two of you need and I know you love children. You'd love to be mom! What I'm saying is, if you're in love with your husband and you plan on spending the rest of your life with him, why not have kids? Better now than later when you're old and tired."

Eva opened her mouth like she was about to say something only to close it again and turn away from Vilde, putting the empty mugs in the sink.

"I'm done talking about this." Eva whispered, and something about her tone made Vilde's anger diminish considerably.

"Eva?" she asked her friend. "What is it, really?"

Eva didn't respond and kept standing in front of the kitchen counter, the noise of running water not loud enough to mask her sniffles. Vilde stood up from her seat and went to wrap an arm around her friend.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said those things." Vilde apologized. "You know you can talk to me, right? You can always talk to me."

Eva raised her head, tears falling down her cheeks, and nodded.

"Let's go sit down."

 

…

 

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I love him so much, Vilde."

They were both sitting on Eva's couch, Eva's head on Vilde's lap, and Vilde couldn't help but getting a feeling of déjà vu.

"I really do." Eva continued. "But every time I think about the future I get a feeling, like a pain, right here" she put her own hand on her chest, "and I can't help but feeling that there has to be more, you know?"

Vilde knew. Living your life waiting is what she'd been doing for years. 

She didn't realize she was crying as well until Eva brought her hand up tp brush one of the tears away.

"When I think about us—Jonas and I growing old together and having kids and living on that house it just… it feels kind of…" Eva trailed off.

"Kind of what?"

"Wrong."

Silence fell between them and Vilde knew that if she didn't say anything right then, she'd never say it at all.

"You know I love you, right?" She confessed, barely a whisper. "I've loved you since we were in school."

"I'm sorry." Was all her friend had to say.

"You really need to stop saying that, Eva."

Vilde wasn't even mad. Not anymore. She was just tired.

"Just make up your mind."

 

 

**8.**

One cold Sunday morning, Vilde was in her kitchen making breakfast for herself and Anne. They had met each other three months before at a club. Vilde was very drunk and insistent. Anne was kind enough to take her to her place—Vilde couldn't manage to tell her her own address—, force water into her and woke her up the next morning with coffee and a pain killer. They'd been going strong ever since. 

Just as she was putting the eggs in two different plates, the doorbell rang.

"Do you want me to get it?" Asked Anne from the other room.

"Yes, please." Vilde answered. "I'm almost done here."

She continued with pouring coffee into a big mug and orange juice in a glass for Anne, and was about to get the forks when Anne appeared in the kitchen, frowning.

"Who was it?" Vilde asked immediately.

"Uhm, a woman named Eva? She said she's a friend of yours." 

"Eva?"

"You know her, right? Because I told her she could wait inside—"

"No–I mean, yes. Yes, I know her." Vilde tried to smile but she was still in a little bit of a shock. She hadn't spoken to Eva in months. Not after that night when she told her she loved her.

"I just didn't know she was coming."

"Ok..." Anna started, her eyes travelling around the room and stopping on the ready to eat breakfast. She winced before saying the rest. "Look, I think I'm gonna go. I'm sorry about the breakfast, I'm sure it tastes delicious."

"What? No, you don't have to leave. I don't know what Eva wants but I'm sure it's not going to take long. I can tell her to come back lat—"

"Vilde, it's ok. I don't mind." Anne stepped forward and kiss Vilde on the cheek. "Your friend obviously needs you, I'll call you tonight."

When Anne read the confusion in Vilde's face, she stopped on her way out to add:

"She's crying."

 

...

 

Vilde made her way to the living room and found Eva sitting on one of the armchairs. She wasn't crying, like Anne had said, but her eyes were puffy and red all around.

"I didn't know you had a girlfriend. She's nice" Eva told Vilde when she saw her come in. "She could've let me wait outside and freeze." She added, a small smile pulling at the corners of her mouth.

"What happened?"

"I left him."

Vilde narrowed her eyes.

"What are you doing here, Eva?"

"I left him." Eva insisted, "I left Jonas."

"Is that supposed to change anything?" Vilde bit back. "Because you've done that before, remember?"

Eva could probably tell how upset Vilde was getting because she refused to meet her eyes.

"I know it's not fair of me to ask anything of you and I know it might be hard for you to believe me, that's entirely my fault, but it's for real this time." Eva left her seat to go stand closer to the blonde. "We're getting a divorce." 

Eva reach out to hold Vilde's hand. Vilde turned around and went to stand on the opposite side of the coffee table.

"I'm seeing someone." Eva started to say something but Vilde cut her short. "Someone I love this time."

"I know that, I—I'm sorry, I should've—"

"You do understand why I can't throw everything away just because you show up at my door saying you are now available, don't you?"

Eva kept her eyes fixed on the floor still.

"I've never been a first choice for you, Eva. How am I supposed to believe I can be that now?" Vilde could feel tears gathering in her eyes but didn't have the energy to fight them. "You came to me once already, when you had broken up with him, and I got my hopes up. I thought maybe  _we_  could be something but no, you came right back to him. You made me believe I could have you so many times Eva, and I never did. I  _never_ did, so how am I supposed to trust you?"

Her friend stood still for a while, still not meeting Vilde's eyes, until she decided to grab her purse and leave. She gave her back to Vilde to make her way to the front door.

"You should go back to him, Eva. He loves you."

 

 

**9.**

The next morning, Vilde woke up early and got ready for work. She went to get her car out of the driveway only to find another car blocking her way. Her house was situated in a commercial area so this happened more often than not.

When the red car didn't move, Vilde got out of the car to yell at the driver. However, she stopped dead in her tracks when she saw who it was behind the wheel.

Eva got out and started talking before Vilde could ask her what the hell she was doing there.

"I know I've said I'm sorry before," she started and immediately added: "and I know you hate it, so I'll just say it once more." Eva's words where muffled by the strong wind and Vilde thought that if she could find it in herself to move, she's proposed talking inside. But she was frozen, and not only from the cold.

"I'm sorry I was so afraid to love you." Eva took a deep breath before she continued with her speech. "I wanted to leave everything and run to you so many times, but I always found myself choosing what felt safe."

Eva walked up the driveway and took Vilde's frozen hands in her gloved ones. This time she let her.

"You make me feel too much and I don't know how to trust myself when I'm around you. I know this is not an excuse and I'll never be able to make up for what I put you through." She said this last words looking at Vilde's eyes.

"I thought I could have both, I thought I could have you without giving everything else up and that's not fair. I was selfish. I hate that it took me this long to finally fight for what I want…"

Eva hesitated before following, her eyes going down to focus on their joined hands.

"If you really think it's too late I promise I'll never say I word again but I just need you to know how I feel."

Vilde took one of her hands back and Eva started pulling away, thinking about giving her space, but Vilde tightened the hand that was holding her friend's and brought the other one up to tilt back Eva's head, making their eyes meet again.

"Remember when you told me you loved me since we were in school?" Eva continued and yes, Vilde did. Vividly. "I did too."

 _Then why didn't you say anything,_ Vilde thought.

"I don't think I understood back then, but I know now I did. I do. I love you, Vilde."

They were both crying at this point and Vilde wondered if she'd see their tears turn to ice if they stood longer in the cold.

"I love you." Eva insisted. "You are all I think about and all I want is for you to be happy. I wish it could be with me but I'll still love you even if it's not."

Eva waited to see what Vilde had to say but when nothing came out her, she took it as a queue to leave. She was approaching her car when she felt a hand grab her arm and Vilde pulled her into a hug.

"I hate it, too. That it took you so long."

Eva pulled back, smiling through the tears, and kissed Vilde on the lips. It was short and sweat, there was no need to rush anymore. They had all the time in the world.

"God, I'm freezing" Eva said suddenly and Vilde noticed for the first time how much she was shaking and all she wanted to do was take her inside and wrap the both of them in blankets.

"I'm late for work." She said instead and Eva laughed at the dread in her voice.

"Come on," she said. "I'll drive you, my car should be warmer."

They shared one more kiss and Vilde made her way to the passenger seat.

"Don't leave." She whispered when the car started moving. She couldn't believe this was real.

_Eva feels the same._

_She loves you._

_She wants you._

Eva locked eyes with her for a second before dragging them back to the road.

"I won't."

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry about the cliche ending, hope u didn't mind too much <3


End file.
